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five tiny paragraphs of movement

when i logged onto my blog (because my domain needed to be renewed and i was reminded that further up and further in existed), it's probably no coincidence that some of the first things i saw were the phrases "keep moving forward" and "go up and never stop," two of the themes from my 2018 intro blog post. those phrases are bittersweet and kind of ironic now. i had high hopes at the beginning of 2018, and then depression really hit me hard. if i'm being honest, i was probably writing that very post through a haze of depression already, trying my best to pretend it didn't exist. trying to pretend all was normal.
that's something i noticed i do a lot. i pretend that my anxiety and depression aren't around because it's easier that way. it's easier to function; to have relationships, to get through each day. but who is it easier for? in reality, i think i'm just trying to make it easier for others, make myself a more presentable image. b…

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